Rat Race

     I feel I've partly experienced this idea of a "higher self" to some extent because I've pondered on the fact that nothing matters that much. 

    "Does this really matter?" This is an existential question, sure, but it's one that I usually find intriguing. It's kind of like an endless loop once you start asking yourself if something really matters...

    For example, I could think, "What if I stood on this table in a crowded, yet quiet library and screamed? Would it really matter?" 

    My good conscience would think, "Of course it does. That would draw attention to yourself. Plus, you'd be embarrassed and other people would think you're crazy." 

    But to that you could say, "Do I really care what others think of me?" And the cycle goes on and on. 

    This is a basic yet poor example because there's no point in standing on a table. But when you take this concept to a broader scale, you can see the world for more than what's presented at the surface. 

    I've thought about the things that govern our world today: money, status, appearance, etc. Don't get me wrong, I care about these things just as much as any other human living in a developed country in 2021. But sometimes, I remember how I technically shouldn't worry about these things because they're not what our ancestors would've valued, and they're not directly related to happiness or health. Instead, we should prioritize things such as hard work and a sense of accomplishment, gratitude, nurturing our body with whole foods, and so on.

    That being said, it's easy for me to get wrapped up in philosophical questions such as this one, but not end up making any real change. But even that is evidence that I'm trapped in the cycle where concepts such as wealth and popularity govern our decisions, and even when we can see through this, we don't rebel.

    So to make sense of everything I'm saying, I understand this concept of a "higher-self" but I don't think I've achieved it in my own life because I'm still running in the rat race.